A healthy relationship should give you room to be yourself. 

By Oluwatomi Peters,        

Psychotherapist 

If you have to become smaller to keep someone, you're paying too much for the relationship.

A healthy relationship should give you room to be yourself.

You shouldn't have to constantly silence your opinions because you're afraid they'll leave.

You shouldn't have to hide your personality because they prefer you to be quieter.

You shouldn't have to abandon your friends, interests, goals, or values just to keep someone happy.

And you shouldn't have to constantly prove that you're worthy of being loved.

Sometimes, we become so afraid of losing someone that we slowly start losing ourselves.

• We stop saying what we really think.

• We apologise for having needs.

• We avoid difficult conversations.

• We accept things that hurt us because we're afraid that setting a boundary might push the person away.

• We become whoever we think they want us to be.

And eventually, the relationship may still be there, but the person you used to be starts disappearing.

There's an important difference between compromise and self-abandonment.

Compromise means both people make adjustments because they value the relationship.

Self-abandonment is when one person repeatedly sacrifices their identity, needs, boundaries, or values simply to avoid losing the other person.

You shouldn't have to become less confident so your partner feels bigger.

You shouldn't have to become less expressive so they feel comfortable.

You shouldn't have to make your world smaller so they don't feel threatened by it.

And you shouldn't have to constantly walk on eggshells just to keep a relationship together.

Of course, every healthy relationship requires flexibility. There will be times when you need to listen, adjust, apologise, grow, and meet your partner halfway.

But growing for a relationship is different from disappearing for one.

Ask yourself:

“Am I becoming a healthier version of myself in this relationship, or am I becoming a smaller version of myself?”

Because keeping someone should not require you to abandon yourself.

The right relationship won't require you to be perfect.

It should allow both people to communicate honestly, have boundaries, make mistakes, grow, and still remain fully human.

So don't confuse being loved with simply being kept.

You deserve a relationship where you don't have to lose yourself to keep someone else.