Before asking, “Do they love me?”

By Oluwatomi Peters,        

Psychotherapist 

Before asking, “Do they love me?” also ask:

“How do I feel when I'm with them?”

Because someone can love you and still not be capable of giving you the kind of relationship you need.

So ask yourself:

• Do I feel safe with this person?

• Do I feel respected?

• Can I be myself without constantly walking on eggshells?

• Can I express my feelings without being dismissed?

• Do I feel valued and heard?

• Do I feel more at peace or more anxious and confused?

Sometimes we're so focused on whether someone loves us that we forget to ask whether the relationship is actually good for us.

Love matters.

But so do respect, emotional safety, trust, consistency, communication, and compatibility.

Don't measure a relationship only by how strongly you feel about someone.

Pay attention to how the relationship makes you feel about yourself.

Because the question isn't only:

“Do they love me?”

Sometimes the more important question is:

“Can I be healthy, happy, and emotionally safe in this relationship?”